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I suppose I was initially taken aback by how ill-conceived this presumed "birthday surprise" actually was. I mean, a person's fantasy is about *them* as you mention below, there's a necessary level of control that resides there. It's a form of intimacy with the self; it's about the fantasizer, the fantasy itself is an not an act, not a person, not a game it's an objet a. OP, on the other hand, took (without permission or his input) over her hubby's very personal, controlled fantasy and essentially threw it in his face. She turned his fantasy into her. This seemed a little too odd and to be brusque, stupid to be something that one who is supposedly mature enough to be married would do. If the scenario *is* real, then the OP's story tells me a few things, none of which are very positive and would require more space than permitted in to address: First, OP has no idea about what fantasy is or how it operates; that is, how it's different from. Fantasy is very important in keeping a married sex life exciting, I'll admit, but fantasy play can really only thrive within particular boundaries; again, control is needed, like in any kind of kink (think of safe words and such. Kink isn't an open sport!). I just can't conceive how someone so interested in their partner's fantasies would enact something without their input. Second, OP is out of touch with her own fantasies, emotions, and actual desires;., she's got some likely deep-rooted repression issues going. How did her husband's fantasy become her? (this sounds so textbook, but bear with me ) She's doing a transference thing here, I think; like how in certain cases of depression, the depressed person might have a tendency to over other people's losses/ failures in order to give their repressed emotions an outlet continued (sorry so winded!)

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